Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
