If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
