Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
