My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
