im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
