Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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