if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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