I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
