i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
