No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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