I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
