I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
