There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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