my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
