I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
