I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
