Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
