I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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