paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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