So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
