I'm sorry my penis didn't work
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
