So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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