im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
