ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
