eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
