If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
