She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
