my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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