We got so high we made milksteak
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
