ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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