It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
