I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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