everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's shark week go big or go home
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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