Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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