Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
