she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
