just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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