New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
