On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
