I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he puts the penis in happiness.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
