We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
