You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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