So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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