I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
