five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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