it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
