omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
