Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
