I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
