Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
