so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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