How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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