im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
