We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
