New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
